Masks & Faces
by Mitchie Love
Summary: Part of my monologue series. Kristen is three different people, but who is she truly?


**You didn't think I forgot about these, did you? **

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Anybody would say I have more lives than Miley Cyrus on Hannah Montana. Well, that's the truth. I'm not rich, I'm not spoiled, I have to work to get my money. Thankfully, Massie agreed to share clothes with me, which makes me feel pretty pathetic but happy at the same time.

It sucks living on a scholarship. My parents can't pay everything, so I have to break my back and study. My mom is always pressuring me to be super smart. She expects my life to be based only on studying and soccer. It can't be that way. It just can't.

It seems unfair that Dylan, Massie, Alicia and Kuh-laire get to go out of town during the summer. I always get stuck here alone. And sadly, that's how I always seem to be when they're not around. Don't get me wrong, I have my own clique, where we are all smart. It's pretty sad how people prefer beauty over brains all the time. You can be as dumb as a doorknob and you can be as beautiful as ever and everyone loves you.

All the nerds in my class get ignored, bullied... I don't even get it. I'm lucky I'm part of the Pretty Committee with Massie, but the truth is, I'm desperate to be a leader. I don't want to feel insecure about who I am all the time. I want a boy to notice me because I have brains, not because I'm beautiful and wear brand clothes. Okay, so I don't really wear brand clothes... It's more like, stylish, but not brand. Only when I borrow from Massie do I actually get to wear Prada, Dior, Chanel, etc. So what?

I think Alicia is as dumb as she can get. And so is Dylan. I love them both to death, but let's be honest here. Alicia has her-chest-to work with. She's a little smart, though, I mean, if you want to be an anchor you kind of have to be smart. Dylan... Well, she's not very smart at all.

Massie is intelligent when it comes to getting to the top. Which is what I hate about her. She's not too sharp during any class, but she can bring down Queen Elizabeth if she wanted to. That's just Massie. Anything to get to the top. Sometimes her plan goes all wrong, and she ends up looking a little bad, but she always finds a way to fix it and blame it on somebody else.

Claire... Let's be honest... She's not too pretty, and I think she might be smart for some things, but she still gets a boy.

I remember having a crush on Dune during one summer. Massie sure crushed my hopes. Even though, at the end I sort of got the boy, he told me to figure out who I was. But the truth is, I don't know who I am.

I'm smart when I'm with the Witty Committee. I'm beautiful and insecure when I'm with the Pretty Committee. I'm innocent and the perfect child when it comes to my mother, but really, I can't be all those things. They are all part of me in a way. They all define who I am, towards different people.

But I don't get it. I'm not too smart with the PC, I'm not pretty with the WC, and with my mother I'm just smart, innocent, and I always follow rules. Which, by the way, I don't do. Who wants to have hairy legs? Ew!

I'm better off with no one, really. The need to be part of a group is stupid to me, but I really feel I need to be with these people.

Whenever I think about Dune, I think that maybe I should figure out who I am. However, how do I do that with so many faces? So many masks? If there's a way, tell me.

I can tell you this: I'm not beautiful. I'm not the perfect child... But without those traits, I still don't know who I am.

I just know I'm a smart girl... Will that get me far in life, though? I don't know. I like to believe it would. I'm already pretty much unmasked with the PC when it comes to my being poor. They still don't know about the WC. I can tell you one thing about the Witty Committee: They probably know everything about me, and so does Dune. Still, I don't know. I mean, the PC, the WC, who I am with my mom, as I said before, it's all part of me. And I don't know what I'd do without all that.

And at the end of the day, that's probably what scares me the most. Maybe I'm nothing.


End file.
